Sunday, 25 May 2008

Caught In The Act

Such assaults are never the girl’s fault, although some were likely to whisper maliciously that she shouldn’t have worn those shoes – pink wedges which would have looked at home on a stripper – or that tiny skirt, or the skimpy top that looked like it was sprayed on.

He’d taken a liking to her, that was obvious, and she went unprotestingly to him, but by the time she was in his clutches and his intentions became clear, it was too late for the poor, silly girl to escape.

Luckily for her, I walked in on them before he could irreparably defile her. I caught him slavering over her like a hungry wolf, one hand up her skirt and his open mouth hovering near her breast. She was rigid in his arms, resigned to her fate and unable even to cry out. Her golden hair, once her crowning glory, was now tellingly dishevelled, and her makeup which had always been so meticulously applied was a mocking mask for her shame.

Fearing no-one would believe him capable of such acts – for his mien was innocent and his reputation blameless – I snatched up my camera which was fortunately nearby, and took photographic proof of his deeds.

I don’t know if Barbie will ever be the same again.

18 comments:

littlesnoring said...

But he is so cute... and really what guy wouldn't want to... I am relieved to note that she managed to keep he heels on, that a girl!

Lonie Polony said...

*Sigh* I'm trying to resign myself to him being my last, but I did so want four children. Unfortunately, four means a bigger car and a bigger house, and we're not exactly millionaires...

Whitey said...

Always remember that five can live as cheaply as six, just not for so long.

jan said...

Barbie is such a slut. Luring the innocent into her web of deceit.

p0nk said...

LMAO awesome write-up! and what an adorable pic. My youngest is now 9 and while i miss not having any babies around, i have to remind myself - another 5 or 6 years and i'll have grandkids - EEEEK!

Lonie Polony said...

Hi Whitey - I'm thinking we'll have to become freegans ;)

Hi Jan - yes, she was ambushed on us at Christmas. I absolutely put my foot down over the birthday Bratz, though. I won't allow those baby prostitutes.

Hello p0nk, and thanks :) - I'm not quite that close yet, but I already get sad on occasions, thinking of the time not-too-distant when my eldest will go to school, become embarrassed of mum, leave home...

Jules said...

I have four kids, five if you count my husband.

We had to get a bigger car, are still cramming into the smaller house. It's hard but wouldn't be without one of them.

What a wee deviant you have there!!

Lonie Polony said...

Hi Jules - aren't husbands always counted as one of the children ;)?

We could make do with our house as I'm sure many people in our society have and still are (unless we have another boy and until they all get old enough for my girl to need her own room. Then we really need to do something!)

K9 Amiga said...

heh, love your blog, and i must say, with hindsight i fully apologize to the feet of every barbie i ever owned as id developed a taste for chewing the plastic. not to mention an apology for all the bad haircuts. poor barbie, the offenses are endless.

Lonie Polony said...

Hey there k9 amiga, welcome! I only ever owned one barbie; I wanted to see what all the fuss over them was about, and when mum bought me one I realised what I had always suspected - they are crap.

mutleythedog said...

I hope it dopes not turn him gay and leave him horribly psychologically scarred - you are lucky to have me around to think of things like that....

Lonie Polony said...

Hi Mutley - if I worried about my sons turning gay I wouldn't let my other one wear his sister's pink clothes and hair stuff. But thanks for the reminder ;)

Miao said...

I had a great laugh!

Lonie Polony said...

Hey there Miao, long time no see! Glad you had a laugh, it may be a long time before I post anything else. I've succumbed to LOB (life outside blogging) and general laziness :)

Miao said...

Your blog always cheers me up. I like how you never fail to look at things with a sense of humour.

Anyway, from my personal experience, Fewer Blog Updates = A More Interesting Life Outside Blogging. Usually that is the case. Spend more time with your baby boy - entertain him first before you entertain your readers!

Diesel said...

I think he's just punishing her for contributing to womens' unhealthy self-images. Naughty, naughty Barbie!

shisomama said...

hilarious post.

we have a prius, which with two kids now means that if grandma wants to go to dinner with us, my husband has to meet us there on his scooter. to me, bigger means a mini-van, which my pride would sadly never allow. is there an in-between category where you currently reside? or is the size of our car going to be my most convincing argument if my husband comes asking me for a third child?

Lonie Polony said...

Good advice, Miao :)

Hey there Diesel - yes, I try to drum social conscience into my kids young.

Hello shisomama - to upsize we'd have to get a great hulking 4wd (SUV) or one of your dreaded minivans, as far as I know. I wouldn't blame your husband for wanting more children as adorable as the two you have :)