Still here.

Hello. I'm still here - I've not gone into a lifestyle tailspin and taken to drowning my sorrows or anything. I'm not contemplating (my own (imminent and self-caused)) death. I just don't know what to say, that's all.

There are so many things I feel like I want to write but, as usual, my clumsy interface between synapse and concrete syntax is letting me down. The aftermath of tragedy deserves more skillful handling than I can currently provide.

This will shock all of my regular readers, but for once, when I figuratively utter the following, I'm not moaning about my own petty problems: sometimes, life just isn't fair.

Gone.

Now I understand how people can blog at times like this. The mechanics of typing, the whirring of one’s brain focused on something so trivial are a blessed distraction.

Earlier today I learned a friend of mine has died. I would say a good friend of mine, but obviously I was not a good enough friend, or I would have called her more recently than…when? I can’t even remember. It must be about a year ago. Yes, I’ve been busy and time certainly does fly by with a life like mine, but a year?

She killed herself.

I don’t know what to say or do that isn’t wallowing in self-pity for my own culpability in her death. I’ll settle for goodbye.

Peace, Mel.
xxx L