Saturday, 1 March 2008

Sic Jokes

Some years ago when I was planning our wedding, one reception venue’s attempt to woo our custom involved the promise of crudities on the menu. Whilst hearing the waiters tell Mr. Lonie’s horrible Aunt Mildred to “Eff off, dragon lady!” instead of offering her an hors d’oeuvre would have filled me with boundless glee, I reluctantly concluded that such a scene would not be setting an appropriate tone for the occasion.

Alas, impish Circumstance had no such thoughts of sparing my blushes the day I frantically searched the university library for any book remotely relevant to an unstarted essay due the next day. The tome I clutched desperately to my chest as I approached the loans desk was so old and obscure it had evaded the library’s computer system, and I was therefore commanded by She Who Must Be Obeyed to fill out a form with the book’s details so it could be duly catalogued. With trepidation I handed her the card, expecting an outraged reaction including immediate ejection from the library and cancellation of borrowing privileges. The name of the author was Dikshit.

Speaking of things in that general homophonic area, I’m of the puerile disposition that is endlessly amused by someone’s confusing ‘prostrate’ and ‘prostate’, but can never understand how Mr. Lonie’s parents manage to do it every single time they’re blithely discussing some friend or other’s medical history in front of me. I amuse myself by imagining Mr. Lonie’s dad during his police days pecking out a report on the typewriter: “…the victim’s prostate form was discovered in the vicinity of the rectory…”

One needn’t look far for the source of my juvenile sense of humour: my family can’t play Trivial Pursuit without recalling the legendary Game of the Misread Question, during which the immortal words, “Does Uranus have aurora?” were met with resounding hilarity. We still snigger about it after all these years.

I maintain the humble hope that you, Dear Reader, will similarly find this post worthy of the anals of history.

8 comments:

jan said...

I can totally relate. The anals [sic] of my family include many historic and hysteric crudities that send us into inappropriate laughter.

mutleythedog said...

You are back in form Ms P! I myself do not appreciate toilet humour and unfunny puns but I know you like them and I am glad for you!!

Lonie Polony said...

Hi Jan, I like to think of us as 'earthy'

Hello Mutley - thanks, I think.

hazelblackberry said...

Among my grandmother's many sayings, these:

(1) "It'll pass." "Wind passes."

(2) "She was only a woodcutter's daughter but you could hear her ring barking a mile away.

Jules said...

On a school camp in my teens a friend of mine shone a torch in my eyes and announced to everyone in the room that she could see my rectum. I'm sure she meant retina. It was bloody funny.

Lonie Polony said...

Hello Hazelblackberry, I've never heard those before. Maybe it's a Perth thing, like "Mint!"?

Lol Jules, that is funny. It reminds me of sex ed. night in grade three, when the teacher asked if anyone could remember what these were called, and one boy eagerly yelled out "TENTACLES!"

Diesel said...

In 7th grade I once went to the dictionary at the front of the class during study hall to look up something about the planets. Somebody called out, "Hey, what are you doing?" And I responded, without thinking, "Looking up Uranus."

Lonie Polony said...

Haha, I don't think I'll ever tire of Uranus jokes.