This Too Will Pass

The good thing about Mr. Lonie going interstate for three days on business is…nothing really. It sucks, not only because something always goes wrong when he absents himself from the status quo, but because some things don’t change – there are still three small children, often boisterous, sometimes misbehaving and occasionally very naughty; there’s still a house that looks like a hoarder’s den the council finally has to clear out with a mini bulldozer following complaints from neighbours and a report on Today Tonight; and there are still two dogs who lay enough mines to make our backyard worthy of a visit from the late Princess Diana, but there’s only one responsible adult left to deal with everything.

I know I should be grateful that I’m not a single parent, and I have great admiration for those who manage to get through each day with their sanity and their kids’ happiness intact. I’ve really been trying to be more patient, tolerant, kind and understanding as a mother, for example when an overtired Master Lonie is screaming his throat raw instead of peacefully going to sleep, for no good reason except that he’s a toddler and doesn’t need a good reason, dammit!

I don’t think I’m succeeding though, because at such times I can’t help but wonder: Am I the only one who feels like hollering at my child to “SHUT UP!”, and sighs wistfully at the remote possibility of it actually working? Am I alone in daydreaming of a soundproofed, padded room for children in the throes of an inconsolable sobbing-screaming-thrashing tantrum? Is it wrong to fleetingly wish I were one of those obscenely rich, neglectful parents who employ a nanny for each child?

For the love of God, humour me. Please say no!