Tuesday, 20 February 2007

Six Degrees of Lonie Polony

Following my startling revelation regarding my thitherto secret relationship with Anna Nicole Smith (I’m still waiting for probate and the handing over of all those millions – to hold in trust for the poor motherless babe, of course), I thought I’d share with you my dubious connections with some other people who are slightly more well known than I.

Lionel Richie

On a trip to Tokyo years ago my mum and dad sat across from Lionel Richie on the plane. Okay, so I don’t think they actually spoke to him, but the point is they could have. Just think! Three degrees of separation to Nicole, poster child for poor-little-rich-girls everywhere. Four degrees to Paris! Lindsay! Britney! I’ve got feckless skank connections, people.

Peter Graves

Again, my parents have all the luck. They sat with this man, best known as Jim from the original Mission: Impossible series, at a charity dinner. His mission, which he chose to accept, was to assume the role of celebrity drawcard.

Rolf Harris

Everyone needs a break from wobble-boarding and pretending to have three legs, and what better place to get away from the demands of an indifferent public than an unspoilt tropical island? I saw a snorkelling Rolf Harris and the large, pink, Ken Done-bikinied woman I presumed to be his wife, stealing coral specimens next to the large signs saying ‘Please Do Not Remove Coral’.

Jackie Chan

I was shocked, shocked! when he admitted to an extra-marital affair in 1999. I was in China at the time and when I turned the telly on to this breaking story, I was desperately hoping my questionable Chinese comprehension had deceived mine ears, but sadly no. One of my university Mandarin lecturers is good friends with his parents, so there are three degrees of separation between me and my former gongfu idol whose feet, so indefatigable at kicking baddies into submission, were nevertheless formed of clay.

Grace Kelly

Who can forget Princess Grace of Monaco? Well, most people probably, especially the young’uns who don’t have a clue who I’m blathering on about. My father-in-law’s grandfather is supposed to be the brother of her grandfather, or something. You never can tell with my in-laws, though. Most things they say have to be taken with a cellar of salt.

Pat Morita

Vale, Mr. Miyagi. You were the best thing about the Karate Kid movies. Pat Morita was a real-life sensei to my old sensei. My friends thought he looked like my dad.

Guess Who?

A special prize* will be awarded to the first person to correctly identify the only celebrity (or ‘celebrity’ in inverted commas, if you prefer) I’ve ever been photographed with.

*May not contain actual prize.


Nellie said...

Oh christ, Lonie, you lucky biatch!!! You've touched Geoff!!!

I bet you've not washed since.


foodkitty said...

Nellie got the prize, but I'm thinking Geoff Janzs might have one degree of separation from Eric Estrada...

Lonie Polony said...

Lol yes Nellie, this photograph is a treasured possession of mine, along with Boonie's autograph on the back of an ATM receipt.

Now that you mention it, Foodkitty...

Nellie said...

Ha, poor Boonie was seated next to Mr and Mrs Nellie and the kiddos last year on a flight to Adelaide. He politely focussed on his newspaper while Master 6 months played silly buggers with my boobies while I attempted to breastfeed upon descent. I hope I didn't spray the cricketing legend with milk. (I had no idea at the time who he was, just intrigued as to why airline staff were being so nice to him and not us!!???)

I was once asked out by Jeff Fenech (again, no idea who the ugly bogan was at the time) while waitressing at a country pub at 16 years of age. I declined, of course.

I have John Paul Young's autograph.

I know Mary. (of course I do, I'm from Tasmania).

That's pretty much my brushes with fame to date.


Lonie Polony said...

LOL! That's hilarious about Boonie. Maybe we could start a new meme: Celebrities who've seen my boobs.

Glad you didn't say yes to Jeff ;)

Anonymous said...

You look to have very nice boobs - just thought I'd mention it. I wonder if the man in the photo is Hans Solo of Star Wars fame?

Pete Aldin said...

The dinner your parents went to could only get Peter Graves as a celebrity drawcard.

I'm so sorry.

Lonie Polony said...

;) Ah Mutley, that photo was taken in my younger, slimmer, perkier days.

Lol Pete! Actually, I'm not sure what Peter Graves was doing there. It was far off the beaten track for any international celebrity. Maybe he was just on holiday and got roped in :p

t h e - g o b b l e r said...

Geoff has so much more class than his replacemnt Peter Evans. Its like manly Sean versus that simpering Roger in the 007 debate. Oh & yes, have to agree, you heroic bosom does you proud!